RICHARD Desmond has boosted UKIP’s election campaign with a £1m donation generated by breasts.
The billionaire pornographer and Daily Express owner felt that UKIP best reflected his portfolio of shows, which includes Spanking Totty and Ben Dover, The Old Fucker.
Desmond said: “If Nigel is elected I’ll cancel Asian Babes as I don’t imagine it’s the sort of thing he’d approve of.
“We’re working on more UKIP-friendly shows including Real Ale Housewives and Passport Control Sluts, which features a bevy of British girls deporting people for not having enough money and then lezzing it up to an Elgar soundtrack.
“But I think our big ratings winner will be Douglas Carswell reading out viewers’ erotic letters.”
UKIP supporters have welcomed Desmond’s patronage, sharing a nostalgic view of Britain when everybody spoke English on the bus, televised softcore pornography was the only masturbatory option and the Daily Express was still considered a newspaper.
Desmond added: “Every time my viewers ejaculate to a bored woman from Southend pretending to be a punished schoolgirl, I want them to think of Nigel Farage’s face.”
