BRITAIN'S national debt will rise from No Way to Christ On A Bike, chancellor Alistair Darling announced yesterday.
In his pre-Budget report Mr Darling said that 'Sweet Jesus times require Bloody Hell measures,' adding: "Holy Living Mother of God, you will not fucking believe this."
The chancellor confirmed that next year the government would spend an extra Holy Shit, an increase of For Fuck's Sake compared to 2007.
Mr Darling told the House of Commons: "Is everyone sitting down? Right. Okay. How should I put this? You know how sometimes you're in a canoe on a big river filled with turds?"
The chancellor predicted the economy would shrink by Hell's Teeth during 2009 but would then recover at a rate of Where Exactly Are You Getting That From? rising to You're Obviously Just Making This Up by the end of 2010.
Meanwhile help to pensioners and low income families would be increased by How Pathetic Is That? while VAT will be cut by Just Spend It On Booze For Christ's Sake.
Shadow chancellor George Osborne said every middle class family would be hit by an immediate tax hike of This Is Absolutely Fucking Typical which could eventually rise to You've Ruined My Life, You Incompetent Bastards.
Mr Osborne insisted a Tory government would peg government spending at Hang On I'm Still Getting My Head Round This, but warned that budgets may have to be cut by Don't Worry, You'll Be Okay If You've Got Bupa.
