Columnists

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By Karen Fenessey Sometimes I despair about this modern society in which we live. People like me go through extensive and rigorous education to become teachers and our primary goal, apart from securing a respectable employment package, is to mould young minds and provide children with a secure moral code to live by. I certainly do that everyday and not once have I heard a whisper of thanks from any child.

By Vladimir Putin WEAK, flabby western men with no love of country and no respect from women - I will take greatest pleasure in crushing you.

Off to get my head shaved. Missing Buenos Aires. The weather was shit today in the UK so flew over there for half an hour but got bored. Courtney rang and said she is no  longer off to rehab but back in 'hab' so I'm calling my new club in Nice that. The missus wants me to buy Nice but I want to buy Budapest. It's more punk rock and cheaper. Well it was when I was there at 3.30 this morning.

By Karen FenesseyI am thoroughly disgusted with the utter filth who bring children into this world and then send them to school to be educated by decent people like me.

By David CameronGLOBAL warming is a threat to us all. I'm really serious about this. It will cause untold misery for millions across the globe and change the way we live, for ever. But in the meantime it does mean lots and lots of lovely weather. And what's the absolute best thing to do when the sun shines? Have a picnic!

By Karen Fenessey LAST night, I went to a live gig in a dingy little bar in the city centre. I’d rather not spend my evenings in some dark, sticky dump surrounded by penniless, drug-smoking layabouts, but I had an obligation to be there, because my boyfriend, Donny, is a singer/songwriter in a band.

By Yen Xiao, farmer, Jiangsu ProvinceHERE in China, life is hard. I'm sure you've read many newspaper articles about our booming economy and burgeoning middle class, but the vast majority of Chinese still rely on subsistence farming and have no access to modern sanitation, electricity and labour saving devices.

BY KAREN FENESSEY I HAD a great weekend but I wish it could have lasted longer - it's a pain having to go back to work and be surrounded by needy little children all day.

April 26, 1897, EdinburghSirs,It is with the utmost urgency that I write to you, my fellows of the Royal Society of Scotland, to alert you to the danger posed by Mr A Salmond and his proposal to build a steam driven contraption with the intention of burrowing to the centre of the Earth.