subscribe
/ Sign Out

Moonwater Is Here!

ADVERTISING FEATURE

After many years of research, exploration and technological innovation MoonWater is now a reality.

We have worked tirelessly to bring you the HIGHEST QUALITY natural spring water all the way from the MOON.

Now, in association with the Daily Mash, we are offering you the chance to invest in our exciting new venture and to receive the VERY FIRST consignments of this AMAZING and REFRESHING drink.

If you would like to be part of this fantastic consumer PHENOMENON then why not secure your stake in MoonWater today?

For an initial investment of just £5000 you will receive 250 ordinary shares and be the ENVY of your friends and colleagues.

Not only that but you will receive 12 FREE one-litre bottles of this DELICIOUS and INVIGORATING beverage.

Our experts predict that within just one year MoonWater will be the BEST SELLING drink on the Earth – and the Moon!

The MoonWater Journey….

  • Our army of robot miners digs up ice from just below the surface of the Moon.

  • The ice is transferred to our Heat Zone where it melts to become delicious MoonWater.

 

  • The MoonWater is then pumped on board our translunar vehicle and brought to Earth where it is tested for quality by our highly trained beverage technicians and bottled ready for shipping across the globe.

 

The MoonWater Experience….

  • Low in calories and virtually fat free.

  • Best served chilled, but no lemon or lime. You don't want anything to get in the way of that great MoonWater taste.

 

  • Goes great with fish, salads and chicken, as well as crisps and nuts.

 

  • Great for rehydrating after an intense work-out.

  • Our experts reckon the taste is unique, but some say there's just a hint of apples.

To secure your £5000 stake in MoonWater and to receive your 12 FREE bottles contact the Daily Mash for more details.

MoonWater IT'S WATER….. FROM THE MOON!

Scots Tories Back Referendum On Existence Of Scots Tory Party

SENIOR Tories last night backed a referendum on whether the Scottish Conservative Party is real or a figment of Annabel Goldie's imagination.

The existence of the Scottish Tory Party has dominated political debate in Scotland for a decade.

But sceptics point out that even if the Scottish Tory Party did exist it would be a dismal failure.

At Holyrood, what remained of the centre-right parliamentary group has now been replaced by a a loose collection of individuals who enjoy earning £50,000 a year.

One senior Tory said: "It's time we settled this question once and for all.

"I'd like there to be a Scottish Tory party, I really would, but I just don't believe in it. If it was real it would do things and get noticed by other human beings."

The source added: "I'm told people do turn up to meetings. But most of them are very old and are possibly confused and in completely the wrong place."

But Annabel Goldie insisted she was the leader of an "actual thing" and offered to produce photographs of so-called 'Scottish Tory Conferences' in places like Perth.

Next story ›