A WOMAN has decided to have children so she can breeze in and out of work whenever she wants, no questions asked.
Mother-to-be Francesca Johnson is not particularly thrilled by the prospect of sleepless nights and paying half her salary to a nursery, but believes it will pay off when she can leave the office at any time for childcare commitments.
She said: “I’m told it will be a rewarding experience expanding my understanding of what it means to be human. The kid, that is, though pissing off at 3pm most nights definitely will be.
“Once I’ve luxuriated in my lengthy maternity leave, I’ll start wafting back into the office a couple of days a week, laying the groundwork for my non-attending future. Then the piss-taking can begin.
“Big afternoon meeting? Sorry, my daughter’s in the spelling bee. Everybody needs to work late? She’s got vaccinations at the GP. Crucial presentation to give? Best delegate that as I’m entering the mums’ race at sports day.
“It’s the excuse that keeps on giving. Even when the kid’s 16 there’s a graduation to go to and no boss will dare deprive me of witnessing that core memory. Pregnancy, here I come.
“Who’ll pick up all the work I don’t do? The childless. They’ll be glad of the distraction because they’ve got nothing else in their empty lives.”
