Society

THE Highway Code has been updated to meet the needs of the dickheads who dominate Britain’s roads. Be aware of these new rules.

SURROUNDED by bloody people? Want nothing more than for them all to just piss off? Try these tips:

FIND yourself struggling to articulate where you hail from because it’s outside the M25? If you’re one of the dozens of people not from London, follow this guide.

YOU were on the cusp of middle age before you realised what exactly a ‘semester’ was. These still confuse:

THE current cost of living crisis and impending hikes in energy bills are worrying for all of us, but especially people like me who are seeing their humble dreams of owning a second home crumble to dust.

DID you once savage your classmates with your astounding repartee? Then you no doubt used these zingers back in the day.

DRIVING would be so much nicer if it wasn’t for all the other total twats on the roads doing these things.

TOO unsurprised to be properly pissed off by yet another f**king Tory lockdown party? Build your anger stamina with these tips.

POLICE at Downing Street completely failed to spot 100 staffers with eight-packs of Stella in blue plastic bags getting shitfaced in the garden. What else did they miss?

REMEMBER when you thought you’d die of something cool, and not from a sedentary lifestyle and poor genes? You were convinced these five things would kill you.