Society

THE friends and partner of a woman with 38F breasts are perplexed as to why she seems less than thrilled about her generous blessings.

BRITONS love traditional activities like torching a policeman in a giant wicker man. Which barmy activities will your local folk be doing this year?

WORRIED about the price of your energy bill? Here are five steps you can take that will barely make a difference.

THE government is tackling the £700-a-year rise in energy costs with its new ‘Get pissed to keep warm’ plan.

WHAT should you do if you encounter a disoriented common person who’s accidentally wandered into Waitrose? Here’s how to help them while avoiding risk to yourself.

ANYONE who grew up in the 80s remembers the heady thrill of expecting to get shitfaced on Top Deck shandy. Here are some other childhood favourites that were thrillingly adult.

SOME people think Ferrero Rocher are posh, but they’re the sort of scum who shop in Tesco. Here are some other things that are supposed to be posh, but aren't.

BOILER buggered? Need extra plug sockets putting in? Chances are the workman who comes over will be an opinionated wanker charging you to listen to his crap.

NEED a convenient scapegoat for everything wrong with society? Why not pin it all on the transgender community, like broadsheet columnists do?

UNABLE to keep your sexuality a secret any longer? Try to avoid declaring unashamedly to the world who you really are at these.