Society

JOHN Prescott is manoeuvring himself gradually into the mainstream of British society, it was warned last night.

ENGLAND faces the choice of a national holiday to celebrate the slaying of a fictional animal by a made-up saint or the violent deaths of a great many French people.

SMALL cakes with brightly-coloured icing will not bring boundless childish glee to your meaningless existence, it has been confirmed.

WOMEN are to pay the same for car insurance as a shit-faced monkey with a bag on its head.

FUNDAMENTALIST Christians in Derby have been forced to accept that God does not want them to be foster parents.

A MAJORITY of Britons would back far right groups if they gave up street brawling and bulldozed a mosque.

AUCTIONEERS have discovered an unpublished Enid Blyton manuscript about a group of children who spend the summer deporting gypsies.

STREET fundraisers are to be psychologically re-conditioned to reduce their self-confidence to human levels.

HUMANS are to continue to base their societies on a highly toxic substance that obviously costs far too much money.

BRITAIN's ongoing economic turmoil could leave households unable to buy whatever they fancy, according to a new report.