Society

BRITAIN, 2067. The cities are in flames, the countryside barren and lifeless. There is no government. The UK exists in name only. Only the pensions triple lock endures.

A MAN watching pornography has been completely taken out of the whole experience by a so-called MILF who has obviously never even unfolded a pushchair.

HAVE you gone for a piss in someone’s house and discovered the room is carpeted? You should look out for these other signs that they’re a potential nutter.

THE English language is rich, varied and blessed with 4,000 passive-aggressive synonyms for the word ‘no’. These are just a few.

KIDS love weapons and inflicting harm, and the children of the 70s had less supervision than most. Luckily their weapons were far too rubbish to do any real damage. Like these. 

AFTER decades of being considered bony, unattractive monstrosities shunned by culture and society, being thin is finally back in fashion.

A CROWD of people huddled around a bonfire have realised they are staring at what warm banks will look like.

ONCE you couldn’t throw a brick in a playground without hitting a Jane, Gary or Dave. Later it was Kyle, Connor or Lianne. But how will the fickle wheel of nomenclature turn next? Probably with these names…

INTEREST rate rises mean boring homeowning bastards are talking about little else. Which sort of git banging on about their mortgage are you?

THE Bank of England has announced that middle class interest rates are being raised by the equivalent of 180 Gü ramekins per month.