Society

THE legal driving age is to be restricted to the 20 years of your life when you are least likely to drive like an idiot bastard.

WEALTHY idiot Tom Logan has spent over £54,000 in a dreadful bar, in a vain effort to make others like him.

BRITONS are worried that the head of MI5 seems really paranoid about terrorism.

POP star Miley Cyrus is either having a total meltdown or conforming to modern social norms, according to experts.

CRYPTANALYSTS at Britain's spy HQ are devoting most of their resources to cracking personalised number plates.

ELDERLY people cannot say chorizo without inserting a 't' sound, it has emerged.

THE act of shedding tears has been made emotionally meaningless by The X Factor.

A NEW body styled as the UK's FBI will focus on werewolves, ghosts and other aspects of the supernatural.

LOWER-EARNING parents want to be able to send their kids away like rich people do.

TATTOO parlours will be made to use designs that accurately reflect their recipients under new guidelines.