Society

THE government has announced a switch to montage-based training like in Rocky and The Karate Kid.

CHICKENS have thanked consumers for their concern over methods of slaughter and asked if that goodwill could be extended to just leaving them alone.

BRITAIN'S drug laws only work against 35-year-olds who have been ground down by years of inconvenience, it has been claimed.

WHITE people with dreadlocks are not facing as much discrimination as they would ideally like, it has emerged.

THE UK is the latest target of international con-artists attempting to sell popcorn that tastes of chilli and pepper.

INDIVIDUALS who score highly in 'psychopath tests' are really just unpleasant, it has emerged.

SALES administrator Tom Booker failed to show enthusiasm during a works outing, it has been claimed.

WORKERS are dreading the prospect of another three-day weekend so soon after Easter.

JEREMY Clarkson has explained that his persona comes from being teased at school about his grapefruit-shaped penis.

ALL consumer goods are to come with a contract for a shitty 'flexible hours' job