Society

THE veterans of D-Day have marked the 70th anniversary by thanking Britain for becoming shallow and worthless.

ATTRACTIVE people who only hang out with other good-looking individuals are dicks, it has emerged.

MILLIONS of Britons are taking pills at work to commemorate the life of 'godfather of ecstasy' Alexander Shulgin.

SKIVING desk workers can no longer recall how they got through the day before they had websites to look at.

SENIOR manager Tom Booker is going to shout at his team because he feels obliged to bollock them regularly.

PUNK was far less important than ex-punk Tom Logan likes to think, it has emerged.

THE sickening odour of rice cakes drifting across the country has prompted a nationwide search for a person on a diet.

THE world is on the cusp of peak exhaustion after hitting peaks in every possible field.

17-YEAR-OLD driver Tom Logan is demanding petrol money from friends that is disproportionate to his actual fuel costs.

ECONOMIST Thomas Piketty's Capital is on course to become the most unread book of the early 21st Century.