Society

BRITAIN is to dig a tunnel through the Pennines because it was unable to come up with anything else.

TRIPS to bowling alleys are always organised by men who want to show off, it has emerged.

A POLISH man is overwhelming a village in Cornwall, it has been claimed.

THE vanguard of Russell Brand’s revolution will be people who are out of their minds, it has been confirmed.

DIVORCE lawyers are making unsolicited calls to ask if you have suffered a marriage, relationship or children that are not your fault.

SOUP is continuing to insist it is a main course despite barely functioning as a starter.

ONLY animals go to Heaven, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S national character now includes the belief that everything is an evil conspiracy.

A SPECIALIST soft play centre for hard evil kids has opened near Swindon.

A TIME capsule containing the Ebola virus, a bent iPhone 6 and a UKIP manifesto has been buried as a warning to future humans.