Society

ANYONE described as having a ‘heart of gold’ is always terrifyingly rough, it has emerged.

MIDDLE class men still cannot explain their pathetic urge to try to impress working class men they meet.

STEELWORKERS can make a good living if they retrain as male strippers, the Conservative Party has confirmed.  

A MAN’S views are being ignored by mainstream politicians just because he is a paranoid racist consumed by burning hatred.

THE nation’s uncles have confirmed that if you turn up every three months or so with a big present, the kids think you are great. 

COLLEGES keen to equip students with key life skills are introducing a National Vocational Qualification in putting a cover on a duvet.

A PENSIONER who worked all his life like most people in the UK somehow believes it entitles him to getting everything for free.

A MIDDLE class child is on the lookout for a second treehouse in order to make a killing on the property market.

HAVE you done very little revision and are worried you’ll fail your GCSEs? Don’t worry - teenager Tom Booker is on hand to explain why exams are bullshit.

A MAN who never shuts up about being a Northerner avoids meeting anyone else from the region, colleagues have noticed.