Society

MALCONTENTS often say they want their country back, but the question is: which one? There are plenty of Britains to choose from, if you don’t get bogged down in inconvenient reality.

A NOW quite worried Britain has requested everyone stop pissing about and explain what actually has happened to the Princess of Wales.

FINANCIAL handouts are entirely acceptable when middle-class parents earning up to £60,000 receive them, it has emerged.

COLIN Firth in a wet shirt from Pride and Prejudice remains one of Britain's favourite and most predictable masturbatory moments. These are also bland enough to be socially acceptable.

JEREMY Hunt has instructed cash-strapped councils to stop spending money on diversity training. But has he considered the effect on people who love criticising them, ie. these twats?

THE smallest possible socially acceptable sum of money has been donated to a friend’s fundraiser, it has emerged.  

RIGHT-WINGERS say parts of the UK have become ‘no-go areas’ due to immigration, but they’re wrong. Here are the British places you should never set foot in, simply because they are irretrievably dreadful.

A MAN who went unnecessarily out of his way to grass up a shoplifter is expecting a big reward, he has confirmed.