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Winehouse Joins Ranks Of Great Literary Drug Addicts

SINGER-songwriter Amy Winehouse has taken her place in the pantheon of literature's greatest drug abusers.

Winehouse's work was included in a final year exam at Cambridge University alongside the opium-induced ramblings of William Blake, Samuel Taylor Coleridge and Edgar Allan Poe.

Undergraduates were given passages from Jerusalem, The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner and Back to Black and then asked to text their marks out of 10 to an 0800 number.

Tom Logan, professor of romantic poetry, said: "I've been having an affair with a 19 year-old French girl since October, so I'm not 100% sure what my students have been reading this year."

He added: "I've missed a lot of tutorials and haven't been able to set essay topics, but seriously, you should see this French bird. Jesus.

"Anyway, people seem to like Amy Winehouse, so I just bunged it in at the last minute."

Other questions in this year's paper included:

When Coleridge wrote 'In Xanadu did Kubla Kahn a stately pleasure dome decree', exactly how fucked up was he?

Which of Blake's visionary poems do you think were inspired by some seriously bad shit?

Thinking about the Amy Winehouse couplet, 'I don't ever wanna drink again / I just, ooh, I just need a friend', which of the following applies:

a) It's just a pop song
b) It's not very good
c) I've been paying three and a half grand a year for this?

Punters Pay Thousands To Throw Bishop From A Plane

CHARITIES are looking forward to a cash bonanza today as people all over Britain pay to throw a bishop out of a plane.

Each of the Church of England's 108 bishops and two archbishops will be flown to a height of around 6000ft before being hurled from the plane by the highest bidders.

John Sentamu, the Archbishop of York, will be thrown out over the ancient cathedral city by Roy Hobbs, a plumbing contractor from Harrogate.

Mr Hobbs said: "I paid £7000. It seems like a lot, but memories are priceless. And I get to tell my grandkids I once threw an archbishop out of a plane."

Bristol-based architect Julian Cook, who paid £5000 to eject his local bishop, said: "I intend to start an argument with him about the existence of God and then just push him out when he starts annoying me."

Organiser Margaret Gerving said: "It's going to be great fun. We've got lots of people dressing up as Satan and even a few dressed as Charles Darwin.

"And of course the bishops will be in their full regalia, so it'll look quite spectacular as they near the ground."

Celebrated biologist Richard Dawkins will launch the event by wishing everyone good luck before hurling the Bishop of Oxford into the void.

Meanwhile each diocese has organised teams of volunteers who will try to catch their bishop in a big blanket.

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