WANT to prove to snowflake youngsters how much you suffered as a child and how much better you are for it? Play this game:
Warming entire house with two bar heater: 5 points
Who needs central heating when you’ve got two glowing bars warming up absolutely everything in a half-metre radius? With only three channels on the TV the heater also doubled up as entertainment, especially if a fly got in it and was slowly singed to death. You’d get arrested by Antifa for enjoying that nowadays.
Ice on the windows: 10 points
For many, even the two bar heater was the reserve of posh snobs. The mark of a family who truly relished their poverty was ice forming on the inside of windows. A bit of cold never did anyone any harm, aside from that pesky chronic bronchial infection that hasn’t gone away for 50 years.
Breathing damp and mould: 25 points
Young people now are so entitled that they insist on breathing clean air that isn’t full of dangerous mould spores. In the good old days, we’d have so many mushrooms growing up the walls that we named them and kept them as pets. A bit of damp puts hairs on your chest, and a damaged respiratory system is a badge of honour.
Rickets: 30 points
Back in the day, kids would regularly get serious diseases and just crack on without any fuss. Rickets was common because we lived in dark hovels and only ate white bread with a sprinkle of sugar on top. Having an irreparable bone deformity is character building, something Gen-Z knows nothing about.
Starving to death: 50 points
These days everyone moans constantly about the cost of food, but back then many families considered food an unnecessary luxury. Lots of people starved to the point of death, and the experience left them with the sort of grit and character you just don’t see anymore.
Results:
0-20 points: Pathetic. Get back on your TikTok and eat an avocado. You don’t know the nobility of suffering.
21-75 points: Fair. You’ve seen some hardship but you’ve never eaten your own nits because there wasn’t enough Spam to go round.
76 points and over: Excellent. You make this country what it is today: weirdly nostalgic for poverty and misery.
