IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own fucking house.
The self-appointed festive police, who also decide when Christmas products are allowed to be sold, have announced that decoration of any kind must await their approval.
Carolyn Ryan, from Swindon, said: “Becky at work honestly thought she could put up her tree, fairy lights and everything, this weekend because and I quote ‘It’s December.’
“She’s been sent straight back home to put it back in the attic until the 20th, when Christmas will begin at my decree.
“This isn’t me being a miserable old witch. It’s the law.”
Premature tree erecter Bill McKay said: “I realise now that I was being ridiculous, decorating my home with gaily-coloured lights and sparkly things when there’s still so much dark, wet December to savour.
“And then of course January and February.”
