New mum trapped in Whatsapp group

A NEW mum’s entire life has been taken over by a Whatsapp group about baby buggies, it has emerged.

Emma Bradford cannot leave the ‘Well Buggy Me’ group because she would hurt a vague acquaintance’s feelings, but is reading up to 183 messages a day and has not had a non-buggy related thought since mid-January.

Bradford said: “I used to read books and consider philosophical questions. Now my time is spent wondering if the Upper Baby Cruz is better than the Bugaboo Bee.

“I have essentially become the group, and the only possible escape is death.

“But I have a child to raise and most importantly I’ve just joined another Whatsapp chat about potty training.”

She added: “By the way, the Bugaboo is easier to fold up and anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar.”

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Britons prepare for cold weather by already having coats and houses

TERRIFIED Britons are frantically preparing for colder weather by already having the things they need to comfortably survive it.

Forecasters have warned the only way to protect yourself from the lower temperatures is to continue behaving as normal.

Meteorologist Helen Archer said: “You don’t even have to turn the heating up. Just leave it on.

“Pretend to be terrified of some snow if you like. But we all know that by 7pm you’ll be inside looking at it through double-glazing sipping a hot drink and wearing a t-shirt.”

“It’s basically as if a zombie apocalypse was approaching, but everyone already had impregnable zombie-proof fortresses and fully-functioning anti-zombie suits.”

Susan Traherne, from Ipswich, said: “I haven’t got any gloves, so there is a real danger I could lose one or more fingers to frostbite.

“But then it turns out they sell them in the shops.”

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