BRUTAL nautical punishments would be a more fitting penalty for headphone dodgers than a £1,000 fine, commuters agree.
After the idea of a fine was floated by the Lib Dems, travellers subjected to the terrible music and conversations of people without headphones unanimously said being repeatedly dragged under the hull of a ship was better.
Commuter Martin Bishop said: “It sounds extreme. But if you’ve ever been the unwilling audience of a shit dance playlist or a never-ending speakerphone conversation, you’ll understand.
“Getting fined £1,000 won’t deter these pricks. If they flout the social norms of public transport then they’re obviously going to weasel out of paying a penalty. The only language they respect is pain.
“Sailor-related crimes have plummeted ever since keelhauling was introduced, so clearly it works. If it was brought back tomorrow I reckon the nation’s train carriages would be pin-drop quiet by July at the latest.”
Rail traveller Donna Sheridan said: “Keelhauling would be a good start. But I worry that flaying the half-drowned bodies of headphone dodgers across a ship’s barnacled hull doesn’t go far enough.
“Let’s not overlook beheading or crucifixion in our rampant bloodlust. And have we properly considered slamming these irritating twats in an iron maiden or horrific Native American tortures? It’s important we get this right.”
