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Housewives Demand £20 An Hour For Eating Jaffa Cakes And Watching 'Trisha'

BRITAIN’S housewives would earn the equivalent of £30,000 a year if someone paid them to eat Jaffa Cakes all day, according to new research.

The study found housewives work for nine hours a day, including an hour of Trisha, an hour of Law and Order and two Will and Grace double-bills.

Although Jaffa Cakes often overlap with other household tasks, including phone calls and magazines, an increasing number of women are now forced to set aside at least two hours a day as ‘Jaffa Cake time’.

Dr Henry Brubaker, director of the Institute for Studies, said: “A professional Jaffa Cake eater is £20 an hour, easy.

“Then there’s the £30 an hour you’d have to pay a nutritionist to sit around all afternoon with her bloated friends, drinking tea and comparing live yoghurts.

“And I certainly would not want to have to pay a head chef  to drive to the retail park three times a week and pick up a large cardboard bucket filled with deep-fried chicken parts.”

Dr Brubaker said the study did not included a figure for childcare, adding: “Why else would they be there?”

Tom Logan, a 42 year-old engineer from Bath, said: “If you want to pay thirty grand a year for my wife’s cooking, be my fucking guest.”

 

Number Of BBC Presenters In Jail Reaches Five Year High

THE number of BBC presenters in prison has reached a five-year high after Radio 1 DJ Groovewhittler was jailed for a second offence of dog frottage. 

Mr Whittler, 37, had dressed his pet Bedlington terrier Bessy in Agent Provocateur and was rubbing himself against her when he was surprised by his Filipino cleaner Agnes.

His claim, that he and Bessy were practising a 'Heelwork to Music' routine for Crufts next month was, dismissed by the judge, who pointed to a list of previous convictions for lingerie-related dog abuse.

Mark Thompson, BBC director general, said: “Why would I be hanging around a public convenience at that time of night in that part of London? I’m a married man with my own washroom at Broadcasting House.”

Also currently behind bars are children’s television presenter Wayne Hayes, serving ten years for fiddling, and Radio 2 drivetime host Roy Hobbs, on remand awaiting trial for freaky sex.

It is the BBC's highest prison quota since a gang of Radio 3 producers were jailed for turning the Composer of the Week studio into a crystal meth lab.

There was some good news for the corporation last week after Bill McKay, co-host of Wheelchairs on Ice, was acquitted of bludgeoning his gay lover to death with a prosthetic knee.

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