A COMPLETE and total dickhead actually has big hopes for the coming year.
Nathan Muir of Lincoln is idiot enough to begin a new year believing that the pandemic will lift, life will return to normal, he will enjoy financial and sexual success and will go abroad on holiday.
He said: “Whew, 2021, eh? Glad that’s behind us. Though I remember saying much the same last year.
“And in 2019 when Boris had just won actually, which has turned out even worse than I ever could have feared, and 2018 wasn’t great for me and in 2017 I lost my job and got dumped and we all remember 2016.
“Still, that’s in the past. Things are going to be different this year. All this scare talk about massive gas bills and hyperinflation is just chatter. I’m triple-boosted and life is going to be sweet.
“I’ve booked a fortnight in Crete, I’m house-hunting, I’m flirting it up on Tinder. This Omicron thing’s a blip. We’ll be living like we used to in happier times and I cannot wait.”
Brother Mark Muir said: “I guess I do have one thing to look forward to in 2022. I’ll be able to see Nathan’s naive knobhead dreams crash and burn.”
