Relationships

WANT to impress your date with a visit to the country's most romantic food and drink establishment? Make sure you do these things.

A MAN has performed mind-blowing sex on his girlfriend by doing three minutes of missionary intercourse, he has confirmed.

WONDERING if you repulsed your date with your face and personality? If you hear any of these phrases, the answer is 'yes'.

IS your dull mate settled down with the first woman who’ll shag him regularly - and claims it’s fantastic and won’t shut up about it? Here's Tom Logan's tedious guide to having found ‘the one’.

IN films, when two hot people hate each other, they often realise they’ve been in love all along! So why does this bullshit scenario occur so rarely in real life? 

OCCASIONALLY your partner’s opinion is welcome. In some rare instances, it’s even ‘asked for’. But when it comes to certain topics, there’s not a chance in hell you’ll ever listen. Take these, for example.

INTERVIEWS are much like dates: you put a shitload of work and afterwards they disappear and refuse to answer messages. Use these tactics for both.

YOUR boyfriend is definitely not sulking and it is definitely nothing to do with the football, he has confirmed.

GETTING dumped is shit, but almost as shit for the poor friends who are obliged to be there for you afterwards. Here’s how to make them lose the will to live.

A MAN who has nothing but contempt for women’s views, interests and lifestyles has no idea why none of them will go out with him.