Relationships

‘WE need to talk’ is a phrase up there with ‘Guilty on all counts. Take the defendant down’. Here’s what a man will blurt out when these dread words are uttered.

DESPITE decades of study of the animal kingdom, I remain surprised by the lurid and depraved mating habits of humans. Let us examine the younger generation.

A MAN is blissfully oblivious to the fact that his wife married him because he was the least worst option at the time.

TEXTING your ex is like taking a dump on a train - it rarely works out well. But here are five bullshit reasons you should definitely go for it, right this second.

A MOTHER has decided her daughter’s devastating news that her relationship of four years is over and her new cushions deserve equal conservational billing.

A COUPLE who purchased some edible knickers have discovered that it is best to leave the back part of it uneaten.

DATING is tricky when everyone you meet turns out to be a wanker. Here are five ways to dickhead-proof your love life.

STILL get flustered walking past bras and knickers even though you’re an adult man with a wife and mortgage? Here’s what to do.

THINK legally yoking yourself to someone who gets on your nerves will magically make everything better? Here are some equally terrible relationship ideas.

A WOMAN whose boyfriend proposed with his grandmother’s wedding ring is unsure whether it is a heart-warming gesture or plain f**king stingy.