A MAN whose girlfriend was unexpectedly in the mood for intercourse was gutted that he had chosen to knock one out earlier.
Nathan Muir had no idea his partner Emma Bradford would be inexplicably horny at lunchtime, so opted to satisfy his urges during a lie-in after she had got up and was making a tuna and cheese toastie.
Muir said: “Emma’s never up for it in the day so a quick hand shandy seemed the sensible thing to do, but then she wanted sex. I think it was really selfish of her to put me on the spot like that.
“She was gagging for it – totally illogically, I must point out – and there was me with an empty tank. I had no option but to put on the best performance I could, even though I’d just been planning to watch Football Focus.
“It took bloody ages, and now I’m just sore and exhausted, with no post-coital glow whatsoever. We must be sexually incompatible. That’s the only explanation.”
Bradford said: “Nathan’s normally a three-minute letdown in bed but today he had unusual staying power. This must be how Trudie Styler feels being married to Sting, but without the crappy solo albums.
“I think Nathan has finally matured as a lover at the age of 36 and I can stop ‘finishing myself off’. It’s just so great to know that constant sexual frustration is totally a thing of the past.”
