Lifestyle

A MATE in London is showing off about being in total lockdown while friends in the provinces are so behind they can still leave their homes. 

PEOPLE in jobs that are total bollocks are wondering if they have wasted their lives, they have confirmed.

WITH the coronavirus making summer holidays abroad unlikely, here are five shitty places you can choose to visit in Britain instead.

A WOMAN is pretending to be relaxed about whether guests should keep their shoes on at the front door or take them off.

YOU'VE heard people mutter that you’re a 'control freak fun vacuum' but you think you just want things to be nice. So which is it?

A WOMAN who spends 30 minutes a day writing her thoughts into a journal is still full of self-indulgent crap for all the remaining hours.

A FATHER who has read The Gruffalo every night for almost a year is now trapped in a trance with a thousand-yard stare.

PUBESCENT boys desperate for a hand-shandy are bearing the brunt of the toilet paper shortage, it has emerged.

ASTRONAUTS on the International Space Station have confirmed that the odour of a Lush shop can be detected 250 miles above the Earth’s surface.

DRIVING yourself mad trying to get to sleep? Why suffer alone? Here’s how to broadcast your insomnia to whoever shares your bed.