Lifestyle

IN these difficult locked down times, it’s important to make sure you haven't completely lost your mind without even realising it. Here are some of the biggest warning signs to watch out for.

EVERYBODY feels horny at the moment, but is it due to the sap rising and buds swelling or just because you haven’t had a shag for weeks on end?

ARE you spending a lot of time on frustrating Zoom calls? Here is a guide to things you shouldn’t have in the background.

WHAT better time to take up playing the bass than now, when your neighbours need the distraction of you failing to learn Fleetwood Mac’s The Chain? 

NOW that the novelty has worn off not going to work and you've watched everything on Netflix, what can you do to create some measly highs in  life under lockdown? Here are some ideas.

SALUTATIONS. I have recently been introduced to TikTok by one of my many children and found myself having a raucously good time. Thus, I present some tips on how to become a most splendid meme-lord.

YOU pussies are whining about lockdown, but I’ve survived harsher conditions by drinking my own piss and staying in a hotel. Here’s my guide to staying alive by foraging from bins.

PENSIONERS are the real comeback kids of coronavirus, with their viral smashes showing they’re not just a load of moaning old biscuit-munchers. But how will we keep old people chic after the crisis?

HOMEWORKERS have admitted they cannot imagine wearing anything other than pyjamas or dressing gowns ever again.

DO you think the coronavirus suddenly doesn’t exist whenever you fancy a trip to B&Q? Here are some great ways to ignore lockdown when it suits you.