Lifestyle

DO you have downstairs neighbours? Do you want to make their lives a misery no matter what hour of the day or night? Here’s what to do.

Did you think it was a good idea to decorate your home with vapid inspirational quotes? These trite phrases are mocking you from your walls right now.

GETTING blind drunk with a mate on a freezing cold park bench is now the best thing to do at the weekend thanks to lockdown.

BEING a straight man is all about having big muscles and an obsession with your penis. Anything else makes you look really gay, explains totally-not-gay man Tom Booker.

THE British public believes advice to limit the size of Christmas gatherings means you should have loads of people from different households over. 

A MAN who got up slightly earlier than most people wrongly believes everyone is interested in this fact.

THE sleep-deprived parents of a newborn baby have enlarged a photo of her onto a three-foot canvas where she looks like a mutant freak.

A FAMILY are worried about the man of the house after he shed tears at a non-sporting event for the first time in their whole lives.

IS everyday life full of baffling questions you’re losing sleep over? Here are some mysteries that confuse the nation every single day.

HOW you start the day has a huge impact on your life, and I’m here to tell you, in barely credible terms, how to begin yours in the best, most bullshit way.