DESPITE rarely wearing a hat previously, 32-year-old Jordan Gardner has taken to wearing one on all occasions. But is it a style choice or is he hiding baldness?
Looks atrocious
The hat looks absolutely bloody awful. He’s wearing a trilby in a crowded bar, thinking he looks sophisticated, while in reality he just looks like some sort of jazz pervert. Given how little it suits him, he must surely be covering up a receding hairline?
Looks like a twat already
On the other hand, he looks enough of a pompous twat to be entirely oblivious to how arrestingly garish it looks. It’s possible he’s so full of himself that he honestly looks in the mirror wearing a trilby and thinks ‘Yes, I would like the world to see me in this.’
Far too warm
That said, the bar is well over 30 degrees and his head is visibly sweating. You’ve never considered the chance of seeing sweat-marks on a wicker trilby before but it seems a real possibility now. Insisting on keeping it on surely means he’s hiding seriously thinning hair.
Attention-seeking
However, if he actually is as much of a prick as he appears he may be sticking with it for attention. Maybe he’s attempting to ‘peacock’ and thinks that it makes him look distinctive so girls remember him. They do, but it also handily allows them to avoid the dickhead.
Keeps readjusting it
Given how much he’s messing with it, however, it seems certain that he’s self-conscious. He pretty much has one hand glued to the hat. He can only be hiding a despairingly sweaty bald spot under that monstrosity. Somebody knock it off.
