THE new Universal Credit scheme has erroneously paid out millions of pounds to claimants across our galaxy.
Many recipients are not even humanoid.
A single silicon-based entity in orbit around Procyon received more than £6.8 million in payments for thousands of self-replicating dependants.
Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has blamed civil servants for the error, saying: When I was told that we were throwing millions of pounds in government money into a black hole, I wrongly assumed they were speaking metaphorically.
“They obviously failed to understand the heavy irony I was using when naming the system Universal Credit because the original intention was to deny payments to absolutely everybody.
Rest assured that the layabout Lortonoi, the timewasting Tralfamadorians, and the idle Idirans are going to be cut off immediately.
“What do they even spend the money on? Sky Sports wont reach Proxima for another 17 years.
Tom Logan, a lizard-riding simian in the Andromeda system, said: I was really relying on that money. Now Spacewonga.com are going to repossess my home, which I built myself using the wreckage of crashed spacecraft.
Emma Smith, a hyperintelligent Mycon fungus colony, said: Ian Duncan Smith has acted with a complete lack of emotion and condemned millions of my spore children to hunger and death.
Hes a real chip off the old block. Im proud of my little boy.
