EVER been to the USA and wondered ‘What the f**k is going on?’ You’re not alone. These six American normalities are baffling to decent people:
Tipping loads for everything
Back home you might tip 10 per cent, if there’s not already a service charge and service has, in fact, been excellent. In the US that’s seen as a dire insult that might end in an Western-style barroom brawl. You have to tip everyone you meet at least 20 per cent, whether it’s the hotel concierge or a mugger, even if they’re a prick.
Valet parking
In any big city parking is not only astronomically expensive, you’re not trusted to do it. Introducing the valet, who you pay to park your car for you with the unspoken understanding that they won’t just drive off with it or rifle through your glovebox. F**king nuts and would never fly in Birmingham.
Commercials for medicine
While you trust your GP to offer you whatever drugs you need, in America they advertise prescription medication on TV like it’s McDonalds. Happy people recommend you ask your doctor for Klarinptron. Listen out for the five-minute-long spiel at the end detailing minor side effects like internal bleeding and loss of motor functions.
Massive toilet gaps
Even the most boutique restaurants in the fanciest cities have bathroom – sorry, ‘restroom’ – stalls with a healthy two-foot gap at the bottom and top. Is it to make sure you’re not shooting up? Is it in case you get stuck? For all the privacy it affords you might as well be shitting in a urinal.
Late-night talk shows
At 11.30pm in Britain, there’s the rest of a film on BBC1, a repeat of a panel show on Channel 4 and bugger all on anywhere else, because it’s time to go to bed. At 11.30pm in the US a whole slate of competing talk shows begin competing for your attention, and after them more shows running until half past f**king one. Who’s watching them?
Not being allowed to drink until you’re 35
Alright, 21. But it’s still insane that you can get married, join the army and take out a $100,000 student loan before enjoying a disgusting can of Bud. And when they finally can drink they barely bother. Though maybe that’s for the best, considering how easy it is to get hold of a assault rifle.
