A BEFUDDLED and deranged Donald Trump has told a rally he ate the most beautiful pet squirrel and been cheered to the rafters for it.
Trump, who experts believe to be dimly aware he is running to be president, is spending his final day of the campaign packing in as many unhinged soundbites and incidents of cognitive decline as he can.
He told a Pennsylvania rally: “A pet squirrel. A beloved pet, with so many views on Instagram. This squirrel, Peanut, one of the most important squirrels in the world.
“I fried it and ate it. Kamala killed him, she’s a murderer, she really is no good at all. My chef Tony, a wonderful man, creates a soufflé you would not believe. It’s so hard to make a soufflé rise, you know? You know about that, you’re working people.
“Anyhow he cooked the squirrel, sauteéd it like you do down here in the South, you eat squirrel for every meal, am I right? It really was so beautiful served with fries. And he thanked me for eating him. That was so nice of him. I appreciated that.
“A billionaire called me and congratulated me. This country’s gone to hell. They’re giving stock options to migrants, all your Fortune 500 stocks. Lock up these fake pollsters and shoot them. I’m still in the White House. 28 million Americans, killed by vaccines.”
Supporter Norm Steele of Scranton said: “He’s the only politician unafraid to tell the truth! Wohoooo! Yeah! F**k that squirrel! USA! USA!”
