Health

JANUARY is infested with insufferable f**knuts trying to improve their lives. These are the worst.

CHILDREN are to attend school in airtight inflatable plastic spheres for the near future, the government has confirmed.

FEELING a bit peaky? Use the clues to deduce which friend or family member has given you Covid in our fun interactive game.

THE prime minister’s high-risk gamble with the lives of every man, woman and child in Britain might just work out, say scientists. 

A TWAT on a train is exempt from wearing a mask because he has a Costa cup in his hand, he has revealed.

ARE you belligerently obsessed with anti-vaccine views? Here’s how to bang on about them in the most maddening way possible.

A MAN genuinely believes that if he was bleeding from his genitals once a month every month he would not talk about it.

RIGHT-WING knobheads across the UK have convinced themselves that their political opponents love being locked up in their own homes for months.

PROFESSOR Jonathan Van-Tam has advised the UK’s singles that if they want to get any winter action they must cuff up this weekend.

DID you grow up being told masturbation was a shameful, dirty, Godless habit? Here are six health-boosting reasons to tug away with gay abandon.