A MAN has wasted time and effort burning fat in areas of his body that are not his gut, it has frustratingly emerged.
Wayne Hayes, aged 34, has been eating healthily and exercising four days a week for months, only for the pounds to melt away from irrelevant locations such as his thighs, upper arms and lower back while his stomach remains flabby and his chins remain double.
He said: “I’ve got loads more energy, my wellbeing and libido are through the roof, and I couldn’t give a f**k about any of that because I still can’t sit down in a shirt.
“So what if my calves look like toned pistons? Nobody’s looking at them in the shadow of this hairy, jiggling paunch. The body positivity movement has yet to embrace beer guts and moobs.
“I know you can’t target fat loss, but it doesn’t make sense that I have ripped elbows. I need abs and a 34-inch waist. You can hide cankles with trousers.”
Hayes’s personal trainer Nikki Hollis said: “Wayne’s genetics are to blame. He comes from a long line of lard buckets and no amount of crunches or planks will change that. It’s an uphill battle just stopping him getting even fatter.
“Another four months yelling at him on a treadmill for £40 per hour and he’ll give up and accept he’s a fat bastard. Until then we’re working on losing four pounds from his knees.”
