Food

TOMATO ketchup believes it can win its century-long battle against HP Sauce before the end of the decade, it has announced.

A MAN has enjoyed just enough food and is not going to eat any more until the next meal, it has emerged.

CARNIVORES have confirmed that they are willing to try any recipe that includes a vegan.

CONSUMING fast food on a train is more offensive than open public urination, passengers have agreed.

A WOMAN has saved hours a week she used to spend on baking by just going around begging people to like her, she has revealed.

BRITAIN wants the ‘latte levy’ to be followed by as many punitive taxes on coffee obsessives as possible.

A JAR of cloves has been sentenced to life at the back of a kitchen cupboard in what he described as a 'grotesque miscarriage of justice'.

A MIDDLE-AGED man has realised that he can no longer make it more than two-thirds through a cooked breakfast.

TONY the Tiger has roared in triumph after finally defeating rival sugar-frosted cereal Ricicles after more than 50 years.

SUPERMARKETS are convinced that customers want unpleasant Christmas sandwiches that are a mockery of festive food, it has emerged.