Food

THE international body regulating the worldwide production and sale of tofu have called an urgent summit to solve the mystery of tofu.

HAVING breakfast in bed is not actually enjoyable and just involves lots of discomfort and mess, it has been confirmed.

A 55-YEAR-OLD reading the newspaper over a full cooked breakfast has renewed his commitment to discovering what a carb is.

MOST group visits to a restaurant include some git who wants to have a bit of other people’s meals, research has confirmed.

HAVE you got too into cookery and become the sort of tosser who throws a strop if you can’t find the right anchovies? Take our test and find out.

A MIDDLE-CLASS man has vowed to do “whatever it takes” to make sure his family survives the current halloumi cheese shortage.

THERE is not enough alcohol in the world to make a vegan kebab delicious, scientists have confirmed.

PUB chain Wetherspoons has admitted that their beer shortage could be followed by a shortage of food only palatable to drunks.

MAN was weak and girly and work in office where he bullied by woman, but now him strong. Him have meat. Him have barbecue.

AN OCADO delivery driver has admitted that his job is largely to obstruct residential streets for indefinite periods.