A MAN who caught himself singing ‘Domino-hoo-hoo’ while considering ordering a pizza is wondering if he can bear to exist in this hellish world.
Ryan Whittaker, 31, was browsing Deliveroo for his dinner when he realised the soul-crushingly irritating jingle was lodged firmly in his subconscious and would never leave, making a botched lobotomy the best option.
Whittaker said: “That’s it now. Pizza has been ruined forever by a company trying to sell it to me. I think becoming a dribbling vegetable might help.
“But surely Dominos don’t want me to associate their products with the desire to perform an amateur trepanning on my own skull? I’m pretty sure that’s not how advertising works.
“And Channel 4 is unwatchable thanks to endless variations on that sodding tune. It doesn’t matter what’s on, this advert f**ks it. They could show Citizen Kane followed by Breaking Bad and it might as well be Noel’s House Party with that shite popping up every 10 minutes.
“All they’re achieving is pushing me into the arms of the next low-quality high street pizza chain, which, on my high street, is Papa John’s.
“They’ve got links to neo-Nazis, but frankly I’d rather fund the Fourth Reich than give my cash to this hateful marketing bilge.”
