Food

A WOMAN has snuck off to the nearest bathroom to cut and snort a line of pumpkin spice, in keeping with the season.

FOREIGN foods, supposedly delicious, are bloody awkward to slap between slices of Hovis Farmhouse Batch. These are grudgingly workable.

A CLEARLY psychotic family are having a full table-service meal before boarding their flight.

A MAN has been astounded to learn that a Michelin-starred restaurant provides a more enjoyable experience than a Wetherspoons. 

MASTERCHEF producers looking for a new presenter who will not inject inappropriate sexuality into the show have decided Nigella Lawson would be perfect.

A MAN who does not eat animal products is at the same time gripped with the heat-induced urge to grill something fatty and oozing with delectable juices.

IT IS oppressively hot, so time to stand over sizzling fat on a red-hot grill while wearing a twat’s apron. But what’s the slogan on yours?

A TWIX advert has been banned for breaching obscenity law by showing a man consuming both fingers simultaneously and loving it.

A GROUP of friends paying for unlimited amounts of food are thrilled about only being able to eat as much as they would normally.