Environment

EXTREME weather events have been ordered to concentrate on Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland where they do not mind because they are used to it. 

CAN’T be bothered to turn your car engine off while your partner goes shopping for 40 minutes? Here’s how to explain why you’re being such a selfish b*stard.

SOME twat is making a mockery of the flooded high street by going down it in a canoe, locals have confirmed. 

PEOPLE who had just wanted to stay at home and drink while watching TV have confirmed the storm was not a problem.

WALES is not there anymore.

A MIDDLE-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher has dismissed Greta Thunberg as a 'useless waste of space'.

A WOMAN has discovered her neighbours' recycling bins are more interesting than anything on Netflix.

FORECASTERS have warned that the current cold weather will continue as long as Britain remains an island betweeen continental Europe and the Atlantic during winter.

A COUPLE concerned about their carbon footprint have confirmed they are more than happy to give up their third child.

A MAN uses his pockets exclusively as a place to store his rubbish.