Environment

PRODUCING carbon emissions that impact the environment is an unfortunate side effect of simply being alive, it has emerged.

A COMMITTED vegan has carved a tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer.

ARE you a Daily Mail reader? Is your hatred of Extinction Rebellion furious, irrational and entirely uninformed?

THE natural world is going to hell, but it can’t be your fault because you read the Guardian. Here are seven ways to blame everyone else.

TEENAGE climate activist Greta Thunberg is in deep shit after a teacher spotted her on television when she should have been in third-period maths.

THE government has admitted that otherwise inexplicable ‘forest school’ sessions in primary schools are preparation for hard Brexit.

VEGETABLE gardeners are pleading with Britain to please, for the love of sweet Jesus Christ on a bike, take some of these courgettes.

A BAG for life is largely being used to hold all the other bags that do not get taken to the supermarket, its owner has confirmed.

A MAN who has insisted on wearing shorts for every day of his UK holiday is refusing to concede that he is cold.

A MAN refuses to waste his time thinking about Brexit because intelligent people like him are more concerned with saving the planet.