Environment

IS the long lockdown winter finally over? Have we begun our long, wet, dull, Easter egg-eating lockdown spring?

A MAGICAL snowfall which has made the whole of Britain look fresh and new is the final f**king straw, residents have confirmed.

AN insurance company is horrified by the suggestion that it might ‘pay out’ to ‘claimants’ on its ‘policies’. 

POST-BREXIT, plucky British crabs are being refused entry to the EU because of petty rules about live animal imports that prove we were right to leave. What could they do?

BRITAIN’S idiot drivers have vowed to try their luck at driving through floodwater after having a guess at how deep it is.

A MAN is so familiar with his local park that he can tell blades of grass apart from one another, he has confirmed.

GOODBYE and good riddance 2020, but there’s no reason to believe 2021 won’t be even more of a shitstorm.

MODERN crackers that do not even contain a magic fish or plastic jumping frog are just wank, everyone has agreed.

DO you wake up to clear blue winter skies only to find the sun’s gone by the time you’re dressed? Here’s how to make the most of your tiny slice of daylight.

THE UK’s rewilding programme will reintroducing wolves, wild boar and the Romanian pop duo The Cheeky Girls to uninhabited areas.