Environment

AUTUMN is the favourite season of the arty and pretentious while being a bloody horrible time of year decent people abhor. This is why.

THE Countryside Alliance has called for the government to stop ‘waging war on the countryside’. Here they explain this secret war they never stop whining about.

THE El Niño phenomenon is returning to the world, and you’ve already been told what it is multiple times. But you still don’t have a f**king clue, so read this.

THE government’s weather service has confirmed that this summer was the raunchiest f**kfest in the nation’s history.

RAIN is coming, and the drought which has afflicted traditional conversations about weather is almost ended. Overexcited Britons will be having these dialogues.

HEATWAVE temperatures have made a woman become a single entity with her ‘pleather’ sofa. 

SO much for the saying ‘the grass is always greener’. If your local park is now a useless, arid wasteland, here are some alternative purposes for it.

OKAY, apparently I missed something in yesterday’s eclipse coverage? Why did nobody mention it was a bad idea to stare directly into the sun for 90 seconds?