Celebrity

MICHAEL Jackson's London concerts will be his last public appearances before he is broken down into his constituent parts and auctioned off for scrap, it has been confirmed.

OSCAR winner Kate Winslet last night revealed she has been this unbearable since she was a little girl.

BATMAN last night urged lesbian superhero Batwoman to do it with Catwoman.

JEREMY Clarkson was factually correct, it was claimed last night. 

FILM fans were last night given a sneak preview of Christian Bale's worst American accent so far.

SIMON Cowell has told Kelly Brook she was dropped from Britain's Got Talent because she was just too pretty.

PRINCE Charles's brutal assaults on a polo playing Asian friend are just playful banter, it was claimed last night.

OSCAR winner Emma Thompson is to chair a new committee which will decide where you spend your summer holidays.

PRINCE PHILIP has changed his will in order to bequeath his extensive collection of racist paraphernalia to his favourite grandson.

BEATLES legend John Lennon has been impersonated in an advert for the first time since his death 28 years ago.