A MAN believes he has captivated the room with a tedious story about how great he is.

51-year-old company director Tom Booker believes that a group of friends are hanging on his every word as he tells the story of a golfing holiday that went wrong with hilarious consequences.

He said: “I am sitting in the biggest chair in the room, and everyone is looking at me with a mixture of desire and admiration.

“I could not be holding court any more even if I were wearing a crown and chomping on a broiled swan’s leg.

“I feel as big as a house.”

Booker is unaware that his audience are only humoring him, while their fixed grins and half-hearted laughter conceals feels of boredom and pity.

Former colleague Mary Fisher said: “I’ve heard the ‘runaway golf cart story’ four times and I don’t even know him that well. It’s not a very good story anyway, as well as being obviously bullshit.

“The way he tells it, it includes lots of veiled boasts about good he is at various aspects of golf. Still, at least it’s a chance to let your mind drift.”

Booker added: “After I’ve finished holding my audience in the palm of my hand, I wonder which of the women here I should choose to have sex with?”