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Langham Classed As 'Townshend Category' Child Porn User

ACTOR Chris Langham is expected to quickly revive his showbusiness career after being classed as a "Townshend Category" child porn user.

Experts say the star is likely to be forgiven by society because of his involvement in such cutting edge programmes as The Thick of It and People Like Us.

NSPCC spokeswoman Jemima Smyth explained: "The fact remains that he has been in some really great, cool shows.

"Society must ask itself whether his crimes should preclude the continued enjoyment of his high quality comedy programmes, many of which are worth watching over and over on DVD because they work on a number of levels and have lots of hidden gags."

Media analyst Bill McKay added: "By writing such classics as My Generation and Pictures of Lily, Townshend ensured his offences were soon forgotten while the likes of Gary Glitter were treated as the glam-rock scum they are.

"Langham should thank his lucky stars he didn't make his name on Keeping Up Appearances or Are You Being Served?

"If so he may have found himself in the same catgeory as Jonathan King, who, let's be honest, was jailed for Una Paloma Blanca."

Patrick Duffy Challenges Putin Claim To Arctic Seabed

PATRICK Duffy, the Man from Atlantis, is to launch a legal bid on behalf of millions of sea creatures to prevent a Russian takeover of the deep.

Duffy accused Russian President Vladimir Putin of staging a '15th Century land grab' adding: "You cannot simply plant a flag and steal the birthright of millions of fish."

The aquatic super-hero will also lead an all-star protest at the bottom of the Arctic ocean alongside the Little Mermaid, SpongeBob Squarepants and four of the turtles from Finding Nemo.

Ariel, the Little Mermaid, said: "Comes round here, planting his flag, thinks he's all that. I'll fuck him up. I'll fuck him up real good."

Duffy added: "My family has been farming the sea bed for generations. Admittedly, with no success whatsoever, but you try fitting an aqualung on a cow."

But President Putin insisted Russia had a right to search for new energy reserves. "I need many gas. You like fish. I like fish. But fish no have gas.

"Maybe fish should be shutting face or maybe there be 'accident' at bottom of sea."

He added: "Patrick Duffy better in 'Dallas' though I prefer Hagman. I am Vladimir. You will obey."

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