Celebrity

WOULD it be wrong to use blood harvested from the late Sam Neill to create an entire island of cloned Sam Neills as a tourist attraction? We debate.

TAYLOR Swift is contemplating just how many hit songs would come from cancelling her wedding just before it happened.

THE Princess of Wales has announced that if she has to climb three peaks in 24 hours just to get away from the f**king kids, that is what she will do.

SHE doesn’t know why she hates them, but she does. These celebrities are subject to decades-long maternal vendettas beyond any understanding.

YEAH, it’s over between me, Ethan Slater the Munchkin from Wicked, and elfin Ariana. Honestly it’s a relief. This is what I’ve had to put with for three years.

ANDREW Mountbatten-Windsor, who remains beloved by his public, has somehow been on the wrong end of a right twatting. But who could have done it? We investigate.

YES, I’ve been sticking my oar in again, but that’s fine because I’m an expert on Britain from surfing the internet while high. Here’s what I've learned.

DUA Lipa is off the market. But do not let that deter you, an overweight man in Reading, from your quest to land a hot, high-earning pop princess. All these are still available.