Celebrity

AS a rugged action hero, I f**king hate it when one of the lads hoofs the ball over a fence. Here’s how I retrieve what’s rightfully mine while minimising the death count.

THE men who spent an entire decade joking about, and thinking about, Dolly Parton's spectacular bosom are also mourning her today.

HARRY and Meghan are thought to be reeling in shock after their whole return to Britain was shattered by a picture of beautiful Kate smiling delightedly.

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex are moving to Britain, and we’ve all got our own legally inadmissible opinions as to why. What’s yours?

THE Duchess of Sussex has announced she has been offered a major role in the soap opera EastEnders.

THE Duke of Sussex is going to try and waltz back into the Royal family by pretending the last six years did not happen.

PRINCE Harry has informed Britain that only bathing in its utter loathing for them keeps him and his wife young.