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Carol Kirkwood: 'From now on, weather won't affect me'

RETIRING BBC presenter Carol Kirkwood has announced that after 28 years of weather, she and it are no longer involved in any way.

Man has very wholesome wank over Princess of Wales

A MAN has engaged in a thoroughly virtuous masturbatory session over the Princess of Wales.

Bland, vacuous, nothing to say and no interest in music: how can the BBC possibly replace Scott Mills?

SCOTT Mills has been fired from the Radio 2 breakfast show, leaving a yawning beige gap of vapidity. Who could possibly replace him?

Yes, I've been secretly shitting myself for a decade

HI guys, Scott Mills here, and to answer the question on everyone’s mind, yes, I have been living in quiet terror for ten years.

Chappell Roan: Should I hate her now?

AFTER a convoluted incident in which a security guard made a child cry near singer Chappell Roan, it may be your duty to hate her now. Or it may not. Let’s examine this important event.

David Beckham creating 'Nicola Peltz is a whore' garden for Chelsea Flower Show

Michael B Jordan and Cheryl Tweedy: Celebs who should be forced into relationships to please the fans

CHERYL Tweedy fans want her to date Michael B Jordan after they flirted in a viral clip, because we own them, they are ours and they should shag if we want it. Especially these.

Are you the father of Bonnie Blue's baby? A quiz

ONLYFANS star Bonnie Blue is allegedly pregnant, but who will come forward to claim paternity? Find out if it’s you.

Katniss, and other kids old enough to really hate their pop culture names

NAMING your child after a once-popular TV show or celebrity was always stupid, and now the poor victim is old enough to hate you for it. These were a mistake.

'Can we make it not about jam?': The increasingly fraught emails from Netflix to Meghan

NETFLIX have ended their partnership with Meghan Markle after her show failed to be a compelling glimpse of her life or even her jam. These are the leaked emails.