Business

DISGUSTING poor people across Britain were last night urging their 12 year-old sons to impregnate some local slapper.

THE former bank bosses blamed for kick-starting the worst recession for 100,000 years were last night urged to take their apologies and ram them so far up their back passages their heads will pop off.

LARGE bonus payments to other people are morally wrong and should be banned, it was claimed last night.

BARCLAYS has finally admitted it is no longer run by bankers after posting an annual profit of £6bn. 

ROYAL Bank of Scotland executives are to use their six figure bonuses to buy Ferraris which they will then rev loudly right in front of your house.

BRITONS working in continental Europe have decided they will probably not strike in sympathy with their fellow countrymen. 

A BRITISH travel firm is believed to be the first in the world to offer activity holidays guaranteed to be filled with twats.  

BRITISH Gas has agreed to leave you just enough money so you can eat.

THE Royal Bank of Scotland is just days away from imploding like that house in Poltergeist, it was claimed said last night.

CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling has promised to limit the number of bank bail-outs to 10 or 12 at the most.