Business

UK consumers last night pledged to buy British, unless there was an obviously superior German alternative.

BRITAIN'S sentimental attachment to Woolworths evaporated rapidly yesterday as millions of bargain hunters discovered it really is a brightly lit warehouse filled with cack.

THE people of Britain may as well sit round all day leering at women and eating pigs' testicles, the international currency markets said last night.

JK Rowling was last night told to 'just piss off' by a group of fellow writers hoping to sell some books this Christmas.

BANKS controlled by the public which do not lend the public money will have to pay a fine using public money.

PETER Mandelson has added the pathetic Lapland theme park to his list of businesses that must be saved.

ADMINISTRATORS were called into cheese and onion crisps last night as the classic flavour became the latest high profile victim of the recession.

VENTURE capitalists in New York and London are pumping millions of dollars into Somalia's booming pirate sector.

THE 75,000 workers sacked by Citigroup are to be bought by the multi-national food conglomerate Findus, it was confirmed last night.

THE Pound is not just great, it's fabulous, the prime minister confirmed last night.