Business

SHELL tanker drivers yesterday won a 14% pay rise which means they will now be paid £42,000 a year just to drive a fucking truck.

GOVERNOR of the Bank of England Mervyn King has written to the Chancellor of the Exchequer to confirm the government’s inflation target was now 'well and truly fucked'.

THE government is to appoint a powerful new 'czar' to regulate the bullshit professions, including homeopathy, acupuncture and estate agency. 

MILLIONS of people across the UK are hoping to earn up to £3000 a day by pretending to be a terrorist.

BRITAIN will today pick out a nice, new handcart as it completes its preparations for the journey to Hell.

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco has stepped up its campaign against TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whttingstall by nailing a live chicken to the door of River Cottage.

ANN Summers is moving upmarket with a new range aimed at the middle classes, including a stunning open-crotch evening gown.

BUDGET airline Ryanair has vowed to maintain profitability this year, despite rising oil prices, by throwing passengers from its aircraft in mid-flight.

TALK of buying camper vans rose sharply last month and is now at its highest since 1991, the Nationwide building society said last night.

BARCLAYS last night signalled a shake up in the banking industry by cutting its unauthorised overdraft fees from criminally immoral to sickeningly outrageous.