Business

My nine-point plan for the world to forget what a bellend I've been, by Elon Musk

UNACCOUNTABLY, it appears acting the twat in front of the whole world can damage perceptions of you. No matter. This is my genius plan to turn that around.

Perhaps allowing foreign billionaires to make us their bitch was a flawed strategy, muses Britain

THE UK is re-examining its long-held belief that allowing foreign billionaires to control every aspect of its daily life is a simply brilliant idea.

We ask you: what abusive new name would you give to WH Smith?

HIGH street WH Smith shops will be renamed TGJones after a £76 million buyout. Do you have an alternative name?

'Sorry, do you mean al-you-min-ee-um?' Britain asks US

THE UK has admitted it has never heard of the ‘Aloo-min-um’ the US is supposedly imposing a 25 per cent tariff on.

Bet365, and other private providers providing assisted dying to Britain

THE government is open to the private sector’s involvement in assisted dying, and these brands you know and love are eying the profits.

Green McDonald's considers itself middle-class

FAST food chain McDonald’s has admitted its fancy branches with dark green signage firmly believe themselves to be on a par with Waitrose.