Arts & Entertainment

Jesus returns to save Top Gear

JESUS has returned to earth with a plan to save Top Gear even if it means dying in the process.

Your unbelievably bleak consumerist festival guide

ARE you attending a profit-focused corporate music festival? Follow our shallow, self-absorbed and unhappy guide.

Owls sick of being stereotyped as Harry Potter postal assistants

OWLS have demanded to be recognised as wild, majestic creatures rather than key workers in a fantasy post office.

Dory found dead behind fish tank

THE lead character of Pixar's Finding Dory dies after jumping out of a fish tank for no reason, it has emerged.

Game of Thrones fans hooked on ‘milk of the poppy’

GAME of Thrones fans who have tried the ‘milk of the poppy’ frequently plugged on the series have proclaimed themselves to be completely hooked.

Entire BBC relocates to Paris

EVERY single BBC employee has travelled to France to ensure the best possible coverage of Euro 2016.

Top Gear ‘a massive hit if you include viewers who are walking past Dixons’

THE new Top Gear has an audience over 24 million if you include people walking past television shop windows, according to Chris Evans.

New series of Homeland to be set in reality

THE MAKERS of TV drama Homeland have announced that the next series will make the leap to being set in the real world.

Albus Potter’s idiot uncle unveiled

THE new Harry Potter play will feature Harry’s time-wasting brother Geoff constantly coming round with some stupid problem or request, it has emerged.

Man almost goes into Games Workshop

A 31-YEAR-OLD man almost went into a branch of Games Workshop but was worried that somebody might see, it has emerged.